like a lightbulb in a dark room

Like that one good grade. Or that one cute guy. Or that cute video you saw on YouTube. Or that stupid video you saw on YouTube. Or the fact that your show isn’t ending this season. Or that you held a conversation with your parent without arguing for the first time in weeks. Months. Years. Or that you don’t relate because you don’t often fight with your parents. Or that you have parents, allowing your existence. Or that a good song is stuck in your head. Or that some day you’re gonna quit your job, and it’s gonna be great. Or that you bought a lottery ticket even if you won’t win. Or that you dropped your phone today but it didn’t break, thank goodness. Or that you can think of at least one person that loves you. Or that if you’re reading this I promise that if you can’t think of someone who loves you, I still promise someone does. Or that there’s left over pizza waiting for you in the fridge. Or that even though you didn’t get that internship, you didn’t not get it yet. Or that you just read a double negative and no one died. Or that you’re even educated enough to know what a double negative is. Or that you’re reading this grammatically nightmarish paragraph and freaking out, but still not dying. 

Will you please stop resisting

we can both bend, 

I don’t think we will break

but when you touch me ever so lightly

but mask it like you didn’t realize 

Oh god

it kills me to suppress that fire

that fire to reach up and pull you in closer

you only have to bend a little

its not much

you aren’t that much taller than me…..

i just want someone to hold me tonight. I’m not even sure I care who the hell it is…

I think about you all fucking day. 

I don’t think of just you,

I think of the things we will do.

I think of the things we have planned.

I think of everything that we have done.

but sometimes

I think of you

the way your arms flex

the way you smile 

the look you have when you are  foucused

the way your back curves

the way you stand

the way your voice sounds

fuck.

I think about you allot.

That I would rather be ‘lonely’ than have another poor performance from you.
But its true.